Faith is simple, pure, and lovely. Religion is messy, political, and overwhelming.
This may not be true to all, but it resignates peacefully in my soul.
I am happy with who/where I am in my faith. I am happy with the relationship God and I share. I feel grounded in my faith, but I am not so grounded what it means to be a person of the church, a person of religion. How to identify myself within the 'overall picture' that people of religion are creating for themselves.
So as I wander along this journey of identity within faith and religion.. I invite you to pray with me.
Dearest God,
For this reason I bow to my knees before you, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of your glory that you may grant us to be strengthened with power through your Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in our hearts through faith - that we, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that we may be filled with all the fullness of you, dear God.
Now to you, Oh God, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to you, God, be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.
Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21
Prayer for Spiritual Strength
This prayer is for spiritual strength and to have the ability to know that this period of questioning, wandering, and getting lost is exactly where I need to be.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Left my heart in Haiti
Amazing how fast time flies!
Yes, it has been a month and a half since my last blog.
Yes, so much has happened in the past month and a half.
No, I will not be blogging about everything that has happened...
But I will give quick headlines -
But now to the meat of this blog...
I want you to get a glimpse of what I saw, how I felt, and how I saw God while in Haiti.
Oh, Haiti.. Beautiful, eye-opening, heart aching, amazing Haiti.
It feels like I returned from Haiti just yesterday.
I think about how cramped the plane felt, how excited I was to land in the lucious green mountains, my first impression of the incredibly tiny airport, the interesting stares that the locals gave our group, the car that fit 8 people comfortably - yet we manage to squeeze 11, how small I felt when I was unable to communicate to another human without a translator, how I thought we were never going to make it to the Manse - there were no traffic lights, 4 cars fitting in a 2 car path, motorcycles zipping around every direction, absolute traffic chaos, how blessed we were to had stayed in a house that had toilets and electricity - those being some of the greatest luxuries in Haiti...
I think about how long the drive from Cap-Haitian to Dondon felt, how incredibly uncomfortable our car was driving up on the hour long bumpy and gravel road, how there was not much construction work for Debbie and I to do... So instead we played with the children, how I was able to communicate with children by playing hand games, laughing, singing, and smiles, how just the snap of a picture on my camera would create such excitement, how the children had nothing to play with but toys that they made themselves, how one kid named Rolex taught me how to sing 'This Is The Day' in Creole and French, how I fell head over heels for a 4 year old boy named Patricio - his picture is below, how could you not fall in love with that smile!....
I think about the worship services that we attended, how incredibly passionate the people were at praising God, how excited I was to recognize a tune that they were singing, how the sound of the children singing brought sheer bliss to my ears, how even though I could not understand the language of the sermon I was still about to understand the message, how you could tell that God was oh so present, how I have never seen ANYONE praise God like they were, how I wish I could worship every Sunday with them!...
I think about meeting Madame Zaphyr, how she only had about 6 teeth left from being malnourished as a child, how she was the president of the coffee Co-Op next door to the church that we were working at, how she would smile so wonderfully when I would happily yell her name every time I saw her, how she had 9 kids who all took care of each other, how she would be the first person to help us with any construction work, how she was the most respected individual in Dondon (I absolutely fell in love with her)....
I think about splitting up 150 pounds of rice and 150 pound of beans for the Dondon community, how grateful families were to receive one tiny bag of food, how the average income of Dondon is $150 a year, how despite their living situations they always found a reason to smile, how every family in the community knew and respected each other, how every day someone would ask me for money because if you are from America you are rich beyond measures, how a 90 year old woman wanted no food or no money, but wanted a pair of shoes so that she could walk on the gravel road to get water without destroying her feet anymore than they already were...
I think about the pain I felt when talking to a family whose 3 year old daughter fell into boiling water burning 80% of her body, how utterly thankful the mother was that our work team graciously prayed for her daughter and her family, how it did not matter that we did not speak the same language but that we believed in the same God, how the little girl and her family had no access to emergency care and were truly relying on the power of faith that she would survive, how I have prayed for that family every single day wishing that I could help, how I hope that God is watching over that little girl and keeping her safe...
I think about how excited I am to find another opportunity to go back and visit, how I hope to stay connected with the people that we encountered, how I hope to one day reside in Haiti longer than one week, how I hope that the people we met while in Haiti know that we care, love, and think of them all the time, how I know that God's big plan is at work every second of every day, how I know that God will provide for Haiti...
Those are just SOME of the memories/thoughts that I think about. I could write a blog long enough to go around the world 60 times if I were to share every thought, laugh, moment, or conversation that I had while in Haiti.
I distinctly remember how nervous and worried I was before going to Haiti. Seems very ridiculous now. I made friends, shared laughs, sang songs, praised God, learned some of a new language, lived with people, loved with people, and had an experience that I am forever thankful for. I truly felt the presence of God at work... It was undeniable how much faith some of the people that I met have. The faith that some of these people possess is one that I am working toward constantly. To know that God is on our side, and that God will provide, God will ALWAYS provide.
I have been dissecting, reminiscing, and thinking so passionately about Haiti since I left. I want to go back, very soon. But until then, my coworker and I have started up something small.....
Once a month we are sending boxes of clothes, toiletries, and school supplies to Dondon. Our first box is being sent off soon! We have little money, but lots of supporters. Debbie and I find it that it is part of our calling (and love) to send items that the people of Dondon have no access to.
If you, or anyone you know, would like to help us, please do!
You can contact me via FB or text or email or even this blog!
You can send anything to me anytime of the year, and we will make sure that it does get sent to Dondon, Haiti - we have reliable sources to get the materials to Dondon :)
Even if you cannot send items to Haiti, then please send your prayers. Those are ALWAYS needed.
Thank you for reading this, and thank God for giving us the ability to learn, share, and grow from each other.
Peace, Love, and Grace
Yes, it has been a month and a half since my last blog.
Yes, so much has happened in the past month and a half.
No, I will not be blogging about everything that has happened...
But I will give quick headlines -
- Successfully went to (and returned from!) Haiti - the huge bulk of this blog is about Haiti... :)
- Successfully helped plan and execute South Florida Urban Ministries largest fundraiser - Black Tie Blue Jeans. We raised a lot of money and had a great time dressing up for the occasion :)
- Successfully been successful at work :)
- Successfully executed a surprise visit back to California for my Mom and Dad (and sorority sisters, extended family, and church family!). That was incredibly amazing, fun, spontaneous, wonderful, and so enriching! I am so excited to head back in June for my big brother's wedding!
But now to the meat of this blog...
I want you to get a glimpse of what I saw, how I felt, and how I saw God while in Haiti.
Oh, Haiti.. Beautiful, eye-opening, heart aching, amazing Haiti.
It feels like I returned from Haiti just yesterday.
I think about how cramped the plane felt, how excited I was to land in the lucious green mountains, my first impression of the incredibly tiny airport, the interesting stares that the locals gave our group, the car that fit 8 people comfortably - yet we manage to squeeze 11, how small I felt when I was unable to communicate to another human without a translator, how I thought we were never going to make it to the Manse - there were no traffic lights, 4 cars fitting in a 2 car path, motorcycles zipping around every direction, absolute traffic chaos, how blessed we were to had stayed in a house that had toilets and electricity - those being some of the greatest luxuries in Haiti...
I think about how long the drive from Cap-Haitian to Dondon felt, how incredibly uncomfortable our car was driving up on the hour long bumpy and gravel road, how there was not much construction work for Debbie and I to do... So instead we played with the children, how I was able to communicate with children by playing hand games, laughing, singing, and smiles, how just the snap of a picture on my camera would create such excitement, how the children had nothing to play with but toys that they made themselves, how one kid named Rolex taught me how to sing 'This Is The Day' in Creole and French, how I fell head over heels for a 4 year old boy named Patricio - his picture is below, how could you not fall in love with that smile!....
I think about the worship services that we attended, how incredibly passionate the people were at praising God, how excited I was to recognize a tune that they were singing, how the sound of the children singing brought sheer bliss to my ears, how even though I could not understand the language of the sermon I was still about to understand the message, how you could tell that God was oh so present, how I have never seen ANYONE praise God like they were, how I wish I could worship every Sunday with them!...
I think about meeting Madame Zaphyr, how she only had about 6 teeth left from being malnourished as a child, how she was the president of the coffee Co-Op next door to the church that we were working at, how she would smile so wonderfully when I would happily yell her name every time I saw her, how she had 9 kids who all took care of each other, how she would be the first person to help us with any construction work, how she was the most respected individual in Dondon (I absolutely fell in love with her)....
I think about splitting up 150 pounds of rice and 150 pound of beans for the Dondon community, how grateful families were to receive one tiny bag of food, how the average income of Dondon is $150 a year, how despite their living situations they always found a reason to smile, how every family in the community knew and respected each other, how every day someone would ask me for money because if you are from America you are rich beyond measures, how a 90 year old woman wanted no food or no money, but wanted a pair of shoes so that she could walk on the gravel road to get water without destroying her feet anymore than they already were...
I think about the pain I felt when talking to a family whose 3 year old daughter fell into boiling water burning 80% of her body, how utterly thankful the mother was that our work team graciously prayed for her daughter and her family, how it did not matter that we did not speak the same language but that we believed in the same God, how the little girl and her family had no access to emergency care and were truly relying on the power of faith that she would survive, how I have prayed for that family every single day wishing that I could help, how I hope that God is watching over that little girl and keeping her safe...
I think about how excited I am to find another opportunity to go back and visit, how I hope to stay connected with the people that we encountered, how I hope to one day reside in Haiti longer than one week, how I hope that the people we met while in Haiti know that we care, love, and think of them all the time, how I know that God's big plan is at work every second of every day, how I know that God will provide for Haiti...
Those are just SOME of the memories/thoughts that I think about. I could write a blog long enough to go around the world 60 times if I were to share every thought, laugh, moment, or conversation that I had while in Haiti.
I distinctly remember how nervous and worried I was before going to Haiti. Seems very ridiculous now. I made friends, shared laughs, sang songs, praised God, learned some of a new language, lived with people, loved with people, and had an experience that I am forever thankful for. I truly felt the presence of God at work... It was undeniable how much faith some of the people that I met have. The faith that some of these people possess is one that I am working toward constantly. To know that God is on our side, and that God will provide, God will ALWAYS provide.
I have been dissecting, reminiscing, and thinking so passionately about Haiti since I left. I want to go back, very soon. But until then, my coworker and I have started up something small.....
Once a month we are sending boxes of clothes, toiletries, and school supplies to Dondon. Our first box is being sent off soon! We have little money, but lots of supporters. Debbie and I find it that it is part of our calling (and love) to send items that the people of Dondon have no access to.
If you, or anyone you know, would like to help us, please do!
You can contact me via FB or text or email or even this blog!
You can send anything to me anytime of the year, and we will make sure that it does get sent to Dondon, Haiti - we have reliable sources to get the materials to Dondon :)
Even if you cannot send items to Haiti, then please send your prayers. Those are ALWAYS needed.
Thank you for reading this, and thank God for giving us the ability to learn, share, and grow from each other.
Peace, Love, and Grace
Friday, March 23, 2012
Haiti Time :)
You see.... I am leaving for Haiti tomorrow morning. Off to Cap-Haitian with a UMC construction work team for 8 days.
I have tried to write about my worries, why I am nervous to go, why I am not ready to go, how I know I will survive these 8 days, how I am worried about the plane ride, the stories that I have heard about Haiti, etc...
Not one of those blogs were sitting well with me, and I figured out why... Thankfully!
Because this trip is not about me.
This trip is about something bigger, beyond anything I can imagine.
This trip is about God.
I was so concerned about me, and how I am going to make it, how I am nervous, how I am this, how I am that....
I had it all wrong.
It is about the people who are in Haiti. It is about being put in new situations that will help individuals. It is about God having a bigger plan for everyone. It is about being confident in that bigger plan. It is about relationships, fellowship, and love. It is about faith, smiles, and dancing. It is about hugs, laughing, singing, and story telling. It is about worship. Worshiping God. Taking advantage of new experiences. Being part of those experiences with one another.
These of which I will participate in, of course. So ultimately, I am part of the whole picture. But my worries, needs, and nervousness should not distract me from why I am going. Why God is sending me to Haiti.
To build relationships.
To laugh.
To love.
To worship.
To have faith.
To build friendships.
To sing.
To be confident in God's plan.
To dance.
To take advantage of a new experience.
To grasp opportunities.
To be with the people in Haiti.
.........To do construction work for new toilets, showers, and better water systems! Woo Hoo!
Are you pumped yet?
Because I am super pumped to go now!
I must now finish packing. I am so excited :)
Please pray for the work team I am going with, the people in Haiti, the struggles that Haiti is still facing, and for a brighter, more peaceful, and positive future for everyone.
Love you all. You will hear from me in a week!
Love, Peace, and Grace :)
I have tried to write about my worries, why I am nervous to go, why I am not ready to go, how I know I will survive these 8 days, how I am worried about the plane ride, the stories that I have heard about Haiti, etc...
Not one of those blogs were sitting well with me, and I figured out why... Thankfully!
Because this trip is not about me.
This trip is about something bigger, beyond anything I can imagine.
This trip is about God.
I was so concerned about me, and how I am going to make it, how I am nervous, how I am this, how I am that....
I had it all wrong.
It is about the people who are in Haiti. It is about being put in new situations that will help individuals. It is about God having a bigger plan for everyone. It is about being confident in that bigger plan. It is about relationships, fellowship, and love. It is about faith, smiles, and dancing. It is about hugs, laughing, singing, and story telling. It is about worship. Worshiping God. Taking advantage of new experiences. Being part of those experiences with one another.
These of which I will participate in, of course. So ultimately, I am part of the whole picture. But my worries, needs, and nervousness should not distract me from why I am going. Why God is sending me to Haiti.
To build relationships.
To laugh.
To love.
To worship.
To have faith.
To build friendships.
To sing.
To be confident in God's plan.
To dance.
To take advantage of a new experience.
To grasp opportunities.
To be with the people in Haiti.
.........To do construction work for new toilets, showers, and better water systems! Woo Hoo!
Are you pumped yet?
Because I am super pumped to go now!
I must now finish packing. I am so excited :)
Please pray for the work team I am going with, the people in Haiti, the struggles that Haiti is still facing, and for a brighter, more peaceful, and positive future for everyone.
Love you all. You will hear from me in a week!
Love, Peace, and Grace :)
Friday, February 10, 2012
Something Different
Dear Awesome, Amazing, Beautiful, Heavenly God,
Allow the questions that flow through my fingers to be yours. Directed to no one in particular. To know that some will be answered, but to also know that we may never know the answers to others.
When in your life have you let God take complete control? When in your life have you allowed nothing to fill your mind but the Holy Spirit? When in your life have you silenced the chaos in the world, the chaos in your neighborhood, and the chaos in your heart? When in your life was the last time you stopped... and prayed? When in your life was the last time you had a conversation with a stranger? When was the last time you laughed until you cried? When in your life did you see the true beauty of the nature that surrounds you? When was the last time you looked at another human being and thought 'They are different, and they are beautiful'? When was the last time you held hands with a stranger? When was the last time you smiled at a stranger? When is the last time you allowed yourself to be spiritually vulnerable? When was the last time you shared your faith with someone else? When in your life have you felt so loved that it overwhelmed you? When was the last time you thanked God for giving you the grace to love? When in your life have you felt the most spiritually and faithfully sound with God? When was the last time you smiled at God? When was the last time you acknowledged that God is playful? When in your life have you been confident in releasing your worries and doubts because you know that God is there? When in your life have you felt free... because you know that God is smiling over you? When in your life have you felt a peace in your heart that surpasses all understanding?
I have not all the answers. I only have questions. I will seek You always.
Amen.
Prayer.... Something that I have struggled with for a long time.
I was recently told that there is no wrong way to pray. That it is a conversation. A conversation that could be heard by many, but only truly understood by God.
So I began to experiment... and found the best form of prayer for me is...
To ask questions.
Thirty percent of the time, I ask God questions. Seventy percent of the time, God asks me the questions.
Together, God and I, are not searching for answers... We are searching for the comfort of each other.
Together, God and I, do not need immediate results... We need to know that we are listening to one another.
Together, God and I, are not questioning our faith... We are strengthing our connection.
This prayer was specific to When. I think When questions are awesome to ask because they allow the mind to wander to places that sometimes do not get visited enough by our memory. The memory floods throughout my body and I get to remember Who was there, What happened, Where I was, Why did that moment happen, How has that moment changed me. The point of asking When questions is not to find the answers, but to allow me to realize how much I have done, and what I still have to look forward to.
I do not pray out loud often. But today it felt organic to share that pray with you.
My roommates and I have made it habit (more or less) to take time out of our night schedules, and pray together. And let me tell you, I can feel a difference in out household. I cannot lay a finger on what the difference is... But it is there, and it is beautiful. Prayer is beautiful.
All types of prayer is acceptable. There is not wrong or right way to pray, that is something that I have had to learn. I now make an effort to take 5 minutes out of my schedule daily and make time for me and God. It actually is not that hard to take time and no one is ever too busy to stop... and pray.
So I ask... How do you pray?
Allow the questions that flow through my fingers to be yours. Directed to no one in particular. To know that some will be answered, but to also know that we may never know the answers to others.
When in your life have you let God take complete control? When in your life have you allowed nothing to fill your mind but the Holy Spirit? When in your life have you silenced the chaos in the world, the chaos in your neighborhood, and the chaos in your heart? When in your life was the last time you stopped... and prayed? When in your life was the last time you had a conversation with a stranger? When was the last time you laughed until you cried? When in your life did you see the true beauty of the nature that surrounds you? When was the last time you looked at another human being and thought 'They are different, and they are beautiful'? When was the last time you held hands with a stranger? When was the last time you smiled at a stranger? When is the last time you allowed yourself to be spiritually vulnerable? When was the last time you shared your faith with someone else? When in your life have you felt so loved that it overwhelmed you? When was the last time you thanked God for giving you the grace to love? When in your life have you felt the most spiritually and faithfully sound with God? When was the last time you smiled at God? When was the last time you acknowledged that God is playful? When in your life have you been confident in releasing your worries and doubts because you know that God is there? When in your life have you felt free... because you know that God is smiling over you? When in your life have you felt a peace in your heart that surpasses all understanding?
I have not all the answers. I only have questions. I will seek You always.
Amen.
Prayer.... Something that I have struggled with for a long time.
I was recently told that there is no wrong way to pray. That it is a conversation. A conversation that could be heard by many, but only truly understood by God.
So I began to experiment... and found the best form of prayer for me is...
To ask questions.
Thirty percent of the time, I ask God questions. Seventy percent of the time, God asks me the questions.
Together, God and I, are not searching for answers... We are searching for the comfort of each other.
Together, God and I, do not need immediate results... We need to know that we are listening to one another.
Together, God and I, are not questioning our faith... We are strengthing our connection.
This prayer was specific to When. I think When questions are awesome to ask because they allow the mind to wander to places that sometimes do not get visited enough by our memory. The memory floods throughout my body and I get to remember Who was there, What happened, Where I was, Why did that moment happen, How has that moment changed me. The point of asking When questions is not to find the answers, but to allow me to realize how much I have done, and what I still have to look forward to.
I do not pray out loud often. But today it felt organic to share that pray with you.
My roommates and I have made it habit (more or less) to take time out of our night schedules, and pray together. And let me tell you, I can feel a difference in out household. I cannot lay a finger on what the difference is... But it is there, and it is beautiful. Prayer is beautiful.
All types of prayer is acceptable. There is not wrong or right way to pray, that is something that I have had to learn. I now make an effort to take 5 minutes out of my schedule daily and make time for me and God. It actually is not that hard to take time and no one is ever too busy to stop... and pray.
So I ask... How do you pray?
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Deep Breaths
It has been one month since my last posting…. A lot has happened, as I am sure you can imagine. Would you like to know? Of course you do! Because you are here, reading my blog, one your own will… Which I totally appreciate. PS. Thank you very much for your support J
What has happened… What has happened… What has happened…
Banquet for Project HEAL clients – we had a Holiday banquet for 150 of our clients. It was lovely, a lot of work, and we were able to make their holiday season just that much more memorable.
Work – a lot of clients, a lot of paperwork, and I still really enjoy myself. It is becoming more and more apparent the struggles and hardships that our clients go through. Now knowing a lot of them by name, and knowing their stories is making work that much more important. So I would say that work is still very wonderful.
Some more work – because I have come to find that even though people with full-time jobs work 40+ hours a week… there is ALWAYS work to be done the next day. It blows my mind!
Trip to North Carolina – I stayed on the east coast for the holidays. I had packed for a real cold winter… and ended up in sunny NC. But little do people know that sunny NC in December is still FREEZING. Good thing I packed all my heavy layers.
Saw my family and my Grandma Boring – the first family members I have seen since my move. It was nice to have a Grandma there, she was my piece of California that I have missed so so much. It was a lot a lot a lot of fun, and I am grateful to have such a wonderful family.
Christmas – for the first time in years, I was awake for Christmas at 7am. Usually back in California our morning tradition has become (since my brother and I have gotten older) Christmas morning begins around 10am because I sleep in. And skyping my mom, dad, and brother was the ultimate highlight of Christmas.
Bought a live lobster for the first time – My cousin Paul and I were bored, and decided to buy a lobster. No one told us lobster was $20! No wonder college students never invest in such a creature…
Met my boyfriends parents - yes, I have a loving boyfriend… All the way in Ukraine. And his parents were absolutely amazing! Could not have asked for a better ‘meet the parents’ dinner date.
New Years Eve – which included a bon fire that could burn for 3 days, in the middle of the woods, with 2,700 illegal fireworks… it was an experience, to say the least
50 pages left of The Hunger Games – this book is ridiculous. If you have not read it yet, I say DO SO! It is awesome. And addicting. Read it before the movie comes out J
Plugged up all the holes in our walls and are catching mice! – meaning less roaches and less mice, which in turn makes a happy household. Roaches/mice LOSE – Little Haiti House WIN
Experienced Miami winter – sunny with a cold chill… that’s when you see Native Floridians in snow jackets and UGG boots. And me wearing wool socks and under armor because its too frigid outside. Us Floridians are not ‘cold temperature tolerant’ people.
Trying out a new lifestyle – It consists of my housemates and I working out daily (with each other because it makes strenuous workouts much more fun), and are on the ‘No Junk Food Challenge’ (no chocolate, pastries, candy, biscuits, white bread, peanut butter, nutella, ice cream, cake, donuts, muffins, cookies, fast food, and chips for 21 days – we are 4 days into it, and thus far successful!)
Started Project 365 – taking one picture a day for a whole year. Started doing it with friends from back home. It is a nice way to feel connected J my photo blog is http://www.tumblr.com/blog/thelife289 … you can follow me!
Planning on going on a Haiti Mission Trip with the Florida Conference in March – the plans are still in progress… but it looks like it will be happening (hopefully!) I am so excited for the opportunity, and I cannot wait! This will benefit me in so many ways, with work, personal experience, and spiritual growth.
Hmmmm… That is a lot of things that has happened. A goal of mine is that I am going to try and condense blogs to be shorter, more focused on one specific thing. Lets see how that comes about. Sometimes even I get overwhelmed with all of the information that I post on my blogs. I just told my roommate that I could blog for days once I am in the right state of mind. My fingers just spit out words! God gave me the grace of having a brain that works a million miles a minute. I wouldn’t have it any other way J
I am grateful always to have this opportunity to grow in such a manner that I could have never imagined. I am constantly filled with the love of God. And that is the fuel to my constant fire. I find God’s love in EVERYTHING I am doing. Everything that I listed above is all possible, and all wonderful because it is all out of love. And you know what, I LOVE GOD. So it’s just an awesome circle of love. I wouldn’t have this any other way either J
Thank you everyone for all of your continuous support and all the prayers. I could not get through the tough times without it, and I surely could not get through life in general without it.
Peace and love
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